A few days ago, I got around to watching a movie that had been on my watch list for a while now: Mom’s Night Out. It’s not a popular movie, I first saw the preview for it a couple of months back when hubby and I rented another random movie from Redbox. I thought it looked good. Then one of my friends posted on Facebook that she had just watched it and really enjoyed the message it had. So when I saw it on the guide last week as I was browsing the movies during free preview days, I hit record. I wasn’t sure if Hubby would want to watch it with me, or when we would ever get around to it (it’s not like we have a lot of free time together). So while the boys were occupied playing nicely, I put it on.

It was one of those, oh my gosh, this is exactly what I needed right now sort of moments. The movie centers around Allyson, a stay-at-home mom of 3 who tends to put others first and feels overwhelmed. She plans a girls night out with a couple of friends, leaving the men to tend to the children. Their night definitely doesn’t go as planned and it causes Allyson to realize that she needs to make herself a priority.

At one point in the movie Allyson admits to her husband that she is not happy and he tells her that only she can change that. And that is so me and so right. I have moments where I am not happy, where I desperately seek change. But I know that change has to come from me, it cannot come from anyone else. Now I am not saying that I am unhappy with everything, because oh hell no, I am grateful and cherish all that I have. But sometimes I just wish things were different: my weight, my social interactions, the way I handle stress and the kids. I can seek help and advice from others, but they cannot make the change for me.

I need to choose happy. I need to choose a different way to handle stress, to connect with others, to get active. And when I find something that works, I know I can become a better me. And when I am a better me, I will be a better mother and wife. So now that the older boys are back in school and Monkey will be starting preschool in a couple of weeks, I am going to work on me. Get back to an exercise routine, eat better, work on projects around the house that I have been wanting to get done, daily yoga/meditation. It is easy to lose yourself when you are a mother and wife with lots of responsibilities. I have been lost for a while, and now it is time to find me. I need to integrate all aspects of this crazy life into a balance that will allow me to be the best me I can be.

Because we all deserve the best.