I will apologize now to anyone who reads this. It will probably be a jumbled mess of thoughts and rambling. This is not the type of post to go back over, edit, and fix. I am just strictly going with my thoughts on this one...

The last two weeks have kind of been a blur. I have gotten through them, but I am not so sure how present I really have been. There of course has been school, soccer games, baseball games, practices, and numerous trips to the hospital. Like really, it seems like only yesterday was the first day of school, but now we are already starting week four…

My last post was about my Grandma. She went in for heart surgery on September 8th and didn’t wake up after. In my sad heart, I knew right away that she wasn’t going to wake up. After days of waiting, hoping, and tests, we found out on September 13th that she had suffered a major stroke. That was painful to hear, but at least we finally had an answer. She did not want to be kept alive by machines. She had signed a Do Not Resuscitate order. If it was her time to go, she wanted to go. The following day my mom, sister, and I went to see her. The doctors removed all of her monitors, took her off of oxygen, and removed her feeding tube. On Friday September 18, Grandma peacefully passed away.

It has been hard. My mind has been elsewhere, I have been keeping my emotions in, and trying really hard to hold myself together. There have been times where I have been short with the kids. Not really because what they were doing was all that bad, but just because I was struggling to deal and let my frustrations come out at the wrong time. I haven’t cried much, but when I do it most definitely is done quietly and alone. I haven’t been in the mood for much, yet I am busy everyday.

I know grief is a process, and everybody handles it differently. I am handling it in my way. I know there will be rough days ahead and am so thankful I have my hubby by my side to help me through. He truly is my rock when things get tough. Right now I am focusing on trying to get into a routine, because I haven’t been able to get into one since the boys started back to school. I need that to help me get things back on track. Because even after death, life goes on…

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